Monday, October 18, 2010



Oh my gosh!!!!!!! Sorry I've been gone so long! I haven't posted in 5 days but I've been keeping up with most of you through comments except for the last 2 days...for valid reasons.

.......kay, after fasting, I only started eating a little bit more, gradually more, just cause I didn't want m heart sickness to get worse.
Then, I vowed not to weigh myself for a long while. But I did anyways. Wtf, I gained. I don't wanna say how much, but you are all going to be shocked at why I have......
There is no easy way to say this...

1- I've been around my BF a lot!
2- I've been intoxicated quite a few times lately.
3- I've made very stupid decisions.
4- I've been unexplainably hungry.
5- Only my midsection is getting...poofier.
6- My bra doesn't fit much but my pants still relatively do.
7- I'm......................late.
8- I've had crazy mood swings and cravings.
9- Weirded up health!
10- It's like I just "know"........

YEAH. If you're intuitive, you get what I'm saying.
Kill me, I'm just a young student.
What. To. Do.
Worst time of my life.
I feel like I kinda need Isla Lynn near me right now so I can cry on her shoulder!! But she's already been through so much crap>>>>>

Girls, I need you now more than ever.........

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

stop crying...just stop...ANA help me.

Oh wow. I feel so hysterical right now.

And not the funny way.

I am bawling. I am stressed. I a

m fat. I am overloaded with work. I am blogging instead of doing that work. I am having potentially serious heart issues and only I know the true reason why. I am a liar.

But, I am hopeful. I love my ANAs. I love my pets. I love my true friends. I love blogger. I love supporting you all, as you do for me.

Today, I had the dreaded doc appointment.

Luckily, I am not getting my blood drawn until Thursday! Thank goodness! Really!

But IDK why I'm sounding so positive right now, I really shouldn't be. I am suffering symtoms of acid reflux and perhaps acid erosion near my diaphragm. No one asked me if I throw up. Luckily. But, seriously, after hearing all that the Doc said, me revealing that would have resolved the whole investigation.

Excpet I probably would've been put into psychiatric help.

And thank goodness no one pointed out the big drop in weight. I can explain my chest/heart pains. But I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. And I hate being on meds because of something I've caused.

What I must do now:

- stop purging!

- stop binging!!

- start sticking to ALL fasts and restrictions

- believe in myself

- do my work and not procrastinate

- ...and watch the fat melt away....

Who's with me??


Really Quick

Short post:

mk, so do you guys know when there's really great timing in your life? Like when you're a week and a half into a fast and you need to go get your blood checked?? wtf!
argh. i'm so mad.
wish me luck girls, this afternoon i am gonna go see a doc cause my mum's getting scared cause i keep having really bad chest pains (and cause i apparently did lose some weight...) :(
she doesnt suspect anything cause she always sees me around food, for the 2/3 hours max that we spend together.
so, last night and this morning i filled up on juice (vitamins), some milk, coffee (energy please...), and supplements. i even had a spoonful of soy yogurt (yuck??).
i also chewed on a teasoonful of flaxseed - negative calories - just so perhaps my results wont be too scary.
i feel fat. i am so full. even though it's all liquids :/

and ooooomg guess what: 30 followers?? yayes!
lol I LOVE you guys.

stay beautiful

Friday, October 8, 2010

Ouch. Take the knife out my back.

Sorry for the weirded-out emo title, but that's just a weird mix definition of how I feel right now...
Fasting has been hell, and I only lost two pounds. I'm at 117 right now, which really sn't much of an improvement, since before I started the fast at 119 I hald just gained a pound and a I basically just lost what I gained and that's it.

On the Hungry For Change blog, it says I'm fasting for the whole month, but I figure I will go for another week and then start eating some things to restart my slow-ass metabolism!!
Plus, this is hell right now for me. I feel cleaned out. Physically. But now also emotionally and mentally. It's like, "dont't freaking expect anything more of me!!!!!"

Ahh. Sorry for the vent.
Next week will be hardcore. Much more restriction on what liquids I drink. Water = Best Friend For Freakin' Ever!!

Alas, I apologize for not posting for 5 days!!
I just didn't know what to say, really. But I missed you guys' comments so badly.

If you're only my same wave right now, please put the word "PROSPECT" in your comment.
It basically means hope, goal, light at the end of the tunnel, etc...
Not just on my comments, but everywhere! Spread the love!!

Thanks so much for being skinny and awesome.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Augh, as Ive said before, I fail at fasting!!

Nevertheless, yesterday (second day of fasting) went pretty well, I stuck to drinking water only most of the day (except for coffee in the morning and a Vitamin Water 0 at lunch – no harm there) except I got asked out by a REALLY cool and awesome guy last night. Of course he had to take me out to dinner to a fancy restaurant, right?? Bleh. I ordered the yummiest vegetable burger in the world, and luckily he didn’t question why I only ate a quarter of it :P (*** This evil was purged later on of course)
Then we went to see the new facebook movie!! It was so good. I freakin loved it. And yay I didn’t get ANY movie snacks! I was kinda craving diet coke, but whatevs, I decided to stay faithful to water :-)
He got really close to me during the movie, and after it he took me for a super romantic car drive to a place where we could see the whole city in lights….woooow. Ad of course, Miana and Hot Guy made out for a couple hours or so. I looooooooooove how he kept complimenting my ribs! :P :P :P
Pretty sure just from that I burnt al the calories from the “dinner”, but nevertheless I exercised for two and a half hours when I came home and even purged a little :-)
Mk, enough soap opera!
To those super nice bloggers who asked on my last post, indeed those were pictures of me. Sorry that they were kinda cutoff and in black and white, but I’m really doing as much as I can to protect my identity here. Thanks so much for all the nice and supportive comments!!! I wish I felt the same way when I look in the mirror…I do love my ribs though. They’ve always stuck out like that, through…thick and thin ;-)
This morning (third day) when I weighed in I was 117.5 pounds!! Yay! I doubt it’s gonna stay that way though, since I was extremely dehydrated when I woke up and I had used the restroom O_o. But I feel good anyway.
As I mentioned in the last couple posts, I’m starting a 5-day lemon cleanse as part of my H4C fast. Users Zette and Lucidity said they’d like to start it with me, but at least one of them is probably gonna start on Tuesday. That’s fine!! Just let me know how it goes, beautifuls.

I’m just using a simple internet recipe:
- Two tablespoons of lemon juice (I make one of them lime juice just cause I like it better)
- Two tablespoons of REAL maple syrup --- that’s what the recipe says, but I’ll probably just use like one and a half, and I’m still deciding if I wanna use warm honey instead?)
- A dash or two of cayenne pepper, according to taste
- Dilute this all in as many ounces of water as you’d like.
I have the recipe in the English system instead of metric because I notice that that’s probably what the majority of my readers use :/
The recipe varies sometimes, but the ingredients are almost always the same and the scope of the cleanse is too.

Good luck to all my skinnies !!!!!
I love hearing about how your fasts and whatever other adventures go!!

PS: sorry for the long post…:P Hope it was somewhat interesting though!

Friday, October 1, 2010

:'( stomach...

I fail at fasting!

It was all going great until a couple hours ago, where somebody close to me decides he's gonna make the best tasting pizza ever...

I am so sorry I let all of my Hungry For Change companions down...

But, I did purge right after I gave in. And I mean REALLY PURGED.

A lot.

I think I purged everything out...I am taking laxatives tonight just in case!

I am going to continue to fast...and I learned my lesson! It is going to be a HARDCORE fast from now on.

Forgive me? Please?

I know I can do it...

So, here at the plans for next week:

- tomorrow (Oct. 2): water fasting!! Nothing but water!! Punishment...gotta love it.

- Sunday (Oct. 3): water and perhaps a tiny bit of vegetable soup (homemade...super-low sodium), just so I don't raise suspicions.

- Monday (Oct. 4): starting a 5-day LEMON CLEANSE. For real this time!!! I consider it to be part of the fast, since it'll only be liquids :) User Lucidity might do it with me as well :)

Anyone else wanna?

Love you all!!!!!


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