Friday, December 24, 2010

What I gotz 2 say:!?:

@Heather: the song is "Another Failure" (lolll) by Masterstroke :D:D
@Starving Artist: thanks hun! :)
@Wings to set me free: XOXOXOOXOXOXOOOXXX

So, today was (again) kind of another failure, and I must apologize to you guys, to Ana, but most of all to MYSELF...
but on a positive note, I started to exercise A LOT more :)))
..and on a DOUBLY positive note...
I can feel my hipbones ;)

Stay strong.
Our LIFESTYLE will work in the end. I hate triggering people, yes I do, but I'm always here to support. I love y'all.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I am the most vile, worthless

So, sorry for my little fit of depression.
Not that today helped much, especially when your skinnier-than-you mother decides she wants you to bake and that includes you making TWO ethnic recipes.
Aaaaand you find out thaaat.... *drumroll pleaze* you don't have anyone to give the damned cookies away to!


That would be my new (and first) Thinspo video on Youtube. Enjoy!

Gosh girls, I really need some words of encouragement right now. Tomorrow I be doing a cleanse!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


So, I decided it was time already for me to post it as well.
Here it is. Ana's Creed.

I believe in control, the only force mighty enough to bring order in the chaos that is my world. 

I believe that I am the most vile, worthless an useless person ever have to existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.

I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds, as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behaviour.

I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.

I believe in salvation trough starvation.

I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of God, and memorize then accordingly.

I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.

I believe in hell, 'cause sometimes I think I live in it.

I believe in a wholly black an white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the alonegation of the body and a life ever fasting. 

Today, I recited this. A laptop in my left hand, a knife in the other.
Just like some devil-worshiper that the people here fear worse than the devil itself.
But don't worry.
I didn't hurt myself.     Too much.
...I need help.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Here she is!

^I had to cover a brand name on this one ^

^This is my FAVORITE. Her collarbone...oh my gosh.^

What do you think?
I've got many more pics coming up!! Can't wait!
Today was okay with intake, yesterday was better...but I'm not upset :P


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

So, I told you gals I would be giving special thanks to certain bloggers who left very nice commenties lately..

a friend of ana
Honor Regzig

Thanks so much for all your love!
You should all check them out. They are amazing people, whether you've heard of them or not :P

Also, on a side note, I wanna start doing something called "mutual shoutout":

Somebody sends me an email or leaves me a comment saying they'll give me a shout out on their blog
I'll give them a shout out back, which will include a sentence or two on their awesomeness.

Sound good?

I'm SO glad you liked my last thinspo post.
I swear, that girl is amazing. She is everything that I want to be, especially physically. She is real. Those pics are real.
I'll be posting more pics of GIRL 2 this weekend! There are A LOT more of this one ;)
Also, what celeb would you guys like me to make thinspo out of? Personally, I like Whitney Port's BODY (hint: not a big fan of her :P )


Monday, December 13, 2010

FIRST Real Girl Thinspo Segment!!

Hi beautifuls!! How've you been?
Well, remember how I promised some thinspo for y'all?
Here it is, GIRL 1:

Well, isn't she beautiful??
Haha, sorry I had to crop the face out or cover it, it's just that this is a REAL GIRL and I know her and want to protect her identity, which is why I also made them black and white (to make them less recognizable...), but it's ok, cause I find black and white to be so flattering and classy :D
This is such an awesome and successful girl, plus she has the best body I have ever seen...her only fault is that she gets really offended or upset if she's told that she looks really skinny or anorexic. Are you kidding me?? I would die...of JOY!! lol I am so jealous of her but don't hate her.
Again, this is a  real girl :) These pics were taken professionally, except for one, and they are NOT photoshopped.
I'm gonna upload pics of REAL GIRL 2 this weekend! And there are a lot of them!

Tell me what you think!!

PS: I'm also gonna try to write a post sometime about how awesome certain people who COMMENT are! If you wanna be among those, please leave me some love down below! Thaaaanks! :)

Girls, this is what happens...

So, here's my rendition of the day:
Ate a bunch of shyte even though she said she wouldn't.



Over-the-counters overdose and abuse (ibuprofen and benadryl for the most part)
Caffeine from Diet Pepsi


Insane "FourLoko" effect that makes you type on your blog really fast but at the same time you have almost no idea what the crap you're typing but oh well back to my life now I am such a fatass
But, I swear, I'm fasting AND cleansing tomorrow.

AND....Ill probably stop doing dumb shyte like this...oh my God in the High Heavens...I can see my veins throbbing and everything else is blurry...Imma go lie down now...


Saturday, December 11, 2010

I like stealing wine from my parents' cellar.
Just sayin'.

Hey beautifuls, don't forget to vote on my poll on the sidebar!! Please be honest ;) This is critically important to me!
Also, you'll find the link to share posts and to add me on Facebook or email me there.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

All the help I can get...

Guess who's getting a "psychiatric evaluation" next week! Wtf does that even mean?

hwell, basically, it means I have had enough. I've had enough of all these Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder meltdowns, I've had enough of my inability to pay attention or stay focused on ANYTHING for more than five minutes at a time, no matter how hard I try.
What I will not mention for sure though, to my dear future psychiatrist friend, is my ED. It's just a part of me that I'm not ready to let go of yet...perhaps in the future when/if I learn to control my OCD and my mania for order I will reevaluate that. But probably not. Hunger (hah) for order and control doesn't just go away - which is why if I allow myself to eat "normally" I end up freaking out and being depressed for like a week straight, but if I starve...I'm strangely happy.
Right now I'm wearing my favorite pair of dark turquoise Forever 21 jeans. I forgot what size they are, I don't even wanna know. What I do know, though is that they used to fit so much looser. Well maybe not that much. But, they were indeed very spacious! Now they're snug. The waistline is still loose, but my thies (the FATTEST part of me) are very much filling in these jeans nicely. And by nicely, I mean like a f**king fatass. Literally. Fat Ass.
Lol. I just wanna laugh at myself.
Then vomit.
Today my mum decided she was gonna get up "early" (as in two hours after I do, heehee) and that she wanted to eat breakfast out. F. F. F. F. F!
Strangely enough, breakfast is my favorite meal to eat in a restaurant, especially when it's very early. I love the dim light that slowly gets brighter and brighter as you look out the restaurant window.
That said, "all" I ate was an oily stupid egg white omelette with tomato slices on it, then I left all the sides for my mum dear.
I though that would keep me full throughout the day, especially since that was the biggest meal I had had in a long while, but boy was I wrong. I ate a stupid piece of bread, then a WHOLE stupid banana, and *drum roll please* worse f**king nightmare.....ladies and gentlemen....I introduce to you.....a piece of CHOCOLATE!!!!!
*Boo sounds that overlap with cheering sounds*

God I'm so damn weird.

And the only exercise I did today was an hour of dance, and walking for ten minutes. Bleh. At least it was pretty hardcore - literally, since we did enough ab workouts to make my abs feel like they're bleeding!!
Mk so that was my day.
Any words of encouragement pleaze?? :P :P
Sorry for the super-long post, BTW.

xox, ~ Miana

PS: Coming soon: I'm going to add a new Thinspo page to my blog, partially comprised of real original pictures taken by me, all blurred out and stuff. I'd really appreciate it if you skinny beautiful people would send me some links? Comment below or email me, or Facebook me (link at the top of the side bar). Byez!

Monday, December 6, 2010


Lol. Horbath is the name of a Shakespearean character.

I AM OFFICIAL A PR0STYTUTE. (intentionally misspelled, my lady friends)

Why do I say that, you ask? Well, I shall tell.
I keep hooking up with a man I don't even like. He's rich. He buys me things. He pays for everything all the time, as if it was a chivalrous thing to do. I keep hooking up with him. He is less attractive than I am. I get giddy when he spends hundreds on me. I let him buy me booze and do him more and more the more booze I get. I do not love him. He loves me. I am hurting him without him even realizing it. I picture someone else when our bodies are glued together. I just close my eyes and picture another man. A more attractive man, with a better personality. I have told all my friends that "eventually" I'll break up with him, and that I only like his money. He does me, thinking we're in love. What a fool he is. And what a bitch I am. What a fat, fat, whore I have turned into.

PS: Isla Lynn dearest, why is it that I can't seem to be able to post comments on your blog? :'(

Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm kinda...happy?

Add me on my new Facebook page:

So..what is this new crazy, jolly feeling I've been sensing?
Could it actually be...happiness??
Wow, I'm so ridiculous. For some reason, I feel super happy when I don't eat.
Today I was super pumped! I only had:
- water (0 cals)
- protein water mix (30 cals)
- green tea (0 cals)

This was only until 6 PM, when I actually was feeling legitimately HUNGRY AS HECK.
So add on to that:
- rice (95 cals)
- half a slice of pepperjack cheese (40 cals)
- pretzels (60 cals)

.........yeah, I know I f**ked it up.
But oh well. It's a start.

Plus, I exercised SO much more than usual today!
In the morning when I woke up, went for a half hour walk in heeled boots, 1 hour dance class (we must have done a bajillion sit ups :P), and i'm about to do my yoga routine again now :D

How are you feeling??

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Who likes to start over...:)

I am
I am so
I am so fat

I know it, even people around me know it. I've gained weight.
So much weight.............this evil fat is swallowing me.

MIANA Put that knife down. Put it down! And I do.

I'm starting over.
I died my hair black (my natural hair color) as it was bleached blonde before. ~FRESH START!~
And my parents are mad at me for it...I really don't give a shizz, I think they just liked my unnatural blonde hair so that they could have an "excuse" to make fun of my stupidity. Hah.

Oh gosh, it is so cold here. I wish I could go visit my fellow Ana bloggers in Australia XD

How are you starting over? Or is what you're doing working for you? Do tell!


Monday, November 15, 2010

Reverse Thinspo Week!!!

SO I decided to declare my own Ana festivity: this week is "REVERSE THINSPO WEEK"! Where we post picture of horribly ugly and tremendously obese individuals to shock us back to our journey to beauty. Haha
Anyone joining me?? :D
Send me your links!
Here you go........
P.S.: Just so you don't think I'm a horrible person, I really am not THAT big a fan of being this mean. I just like admitting the truth. And the truth is, these people are unattractive and they make me want to be skinny even more. I know I'm Ana. I know I'm Mia. I love being it though, it truly makes me incredibly happy.
Enough cheesy moment! Back to reality :D Have a great R.T.W. !!

Friday, November 12, 2010

"Don't Be an Almos..."

I saw this quote in a certain building yesterday. Notice the "t" in "almost" is missing, if you haven't yet.
I freaking love it.
It's funny how I can find "normal people" quotes and apply them to my own problems... ;P

So, part of my plan to get back on track today is to start the full Lemon Cleanse again, but I'm so serious about it now.
- I've been listening only to strong powerful music :)
- This quote keeps repeating itself over and over again in my head every time I think about food
- I wanna be beautiful for my bf again
- I am doing this for a spiritual purpose, or at least pretending to. Yeah, I don't really know what that means either. LOL

...point is, THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL!
*** Also, there's a huge charity event going on in my city, and I promised myself I would donate $1 for every kilogram lost of weight that I gained back recently, $2 for each kilogram of extra weight!! :D obviously as you can tell this charity, as everything else, means a lot to me.

Today I'm also gonna go buy some laxies again :)
And haha I bought myself a cool new colorful water bottle to keep myself ultra-hydrated all the time! Yay.

What do my lovelies think?? (that's you... ;] )


P.S.: Isla Lynn is awesome, just thought I'd put it out there.
I love every single blog I'm reading!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Woman Starving Herself...

So I just read this article on Huffington Post: a woman is starving herself to bring media attention to the fact that her home is being foreclosed.
Shall we join her? Haha :P

Here's the link to article/video:

So yah.

Today I had:
- lemon cleanse detox drink
- water
- flaxseeds
- popcorn (right now; no butter of course)

...and I feel great.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Hi skinnies.....................
I missed blogging so freakinn much!! I missed you guys, I missed your support, I missed supporting you back.
For those of you who have been following me, you may remember what was "going on" with me.

Turns out I was right.
My fear was true.
Then...things happened....I was ill... and now that fear is "no more".
Not sure I can go in to's just too painful.

I hid from life, I got fat, then I got skinny, managed to get hospitalized without my family finding fat again, and got depressed. SO much crap going on...right now I'm "ignoring" my depression, and I managed not to go and cut myself again. I'm so proud. I'm glad I can finall
y get back on track.'s pretty much gonna be impossible for me to catch up on all the amazing blogs I'm following, anyone wanna tell me something super-important or summarize their life in the comments?? Really girls, I wanna know! Tell me everything! This is about you!

I'll be fine, girls. I learned a lot.

Monday, October 18, 2010



Oh my gosh!!!!!!! Sorry I've been gone so long! I haven't posted in 5 days but I've been keeping up with most of you through comments except for the last 2 days...for valid reasons.

.......kay, after fasting, I only started eating a little bit more, gradually more, just cause I didn't want m heart sickness to get worse.
Then, I vowed not to weigh myself for a long while. But I did anyways. Wtf, I gained. I don't wanna say how much, but you are all going to be shocked at why I have......
There is no easy way to say this...

1- I've been around my BF a lot!
2- I've been intoxicated quite a few times lately.
3- I've made very stupid decisions.
4- I've been unexplainably hungry.
5- Only my midsection is getting...poofier.
6- My bra doesn't fit much but my pants still relatively do.
7- I'm......................late.
8- I've had crazy mood swings and cravings.
9- Weirded up health!
10- It's like I just "know"........

YEAH. If you're intuitive, you get what I'm saying.
Kill me, I'm just a young student.
What. To. Do.
Worst time of my life.
I feel like I kinda need Isla Lynn near me right now so I can cry on her shoulder!! But she's already been through so much crap>>>>>

Girls, I need you now more than ever.........

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

stop crying...just stop...ANA help me.

Oh wow. I feel so hysterical right now.

And not the funny way.

I am bawling. I am stressed. I a

m fat. I am overloaded with work. I am blogging instead of doing that work. I am having potentially serious heart issues and only I know the true reason why. I am a liar.

But, I am hopeful. I love my ANAs. I love my pets. I love my true friends. I love blogger. I love supporting you all, as you do for me.

Today, I had the dreaded doc appointment.

Luckily, I am not getting my blood drawn until Thursday! Thank goodness! Really!

But IDK why I'm sounding so positive right now, I really shouldn't be. I am suffering symtoms of acid reflux and perhaps acid erosion near my diaphragm. No one asked me if I throw up. Luckily. But, seriously, after hearing all that the Doc said, me revealing that would have resolved the whole investigation.

Excpet I probably would've been put into psychiatric help.

And thank goodness no one pointed out the big drop in weight. I can explain my chest/heart pains. But I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. And I hate being on meds because of something I've caused.

What I must do now:

- stop purging!

- stop binging!!

- start sticking to ALL fasts and restrictions

- believe in myself

- do my work and not procrastinate

- ...and watch the fat melt away....

Who's with me??


Really Quick

Short post:

mk, so do you guys know when there's really great timing in your life? Like when you're a week and a half into a fast and you need to go get your blood checked?? wtf!
argh. i'm so mad.
wish me luck girls, this afternoon i am gonna go see a doc cause my mum's getting scared cause i keep having really bad chest pains (and cause i apparently did lose some weight...) :(
she doesnt suspect anything cause she always sees me around food, for the 2/3 hours max that we spend together.
so, last night and this morning i filled up on juice (vitamins), some milk, coffee (energy please...), and supplements. i even had a spoonful of soy yogurt (yuck??).
i also chewed on a teasoonful of flaxseed - negative calories - just so perhaps my results wont be too scary.
i feel fat. i am so full. even though it's all liquids :/

and ooooomg guess what: 30 followers?? yayes!
lol I LOVE you guys.

stay beautiful

Friday, October 8, 2010

Ouch. Take the knife out my back.

Sorry for the weirded-out emo title, but that's just a weird mix definition of how I feel right now...
Fasting has been hell, and I only lost two pounds. I'm at 117 right now, which really sn't much of an improvement, since before I started the fast at 119 I hald just gained a pound and a I basically just lost what I gained and that's it.

On the Hungry For Change blog, it says I'm fasting for the whole month, but I figure I will go for another week and then start eating some things to restart my slow-ass metabolism!!
Plus, this is hell right now for me. I feel cleaned out. Physically. But now also emotionally and mentally. It's like, "dont't freaking expect anything more of me!!!!!"

Ahh. Sorry for the vent.
Next week will be hardcore. Much more restriction on what liquids I drink. Water = Best Friend For Freakin' Ever!!

Alas, I apologize for not posting for 5 days!!
I just didn't know what to say, really. But I missed you guys' comments so badly.

If you're only my same wave right now, please put the word "PROSPECT" in your comment.
It basically means hope, goal, light at the end of the tunnel, etc...
Not just on my comments, but everywhere! Spread the love!!

Thanks so much for being skinny and awesome.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Augh, as Ive said before, I fail at fasting!!

Nevertheless, yesterday (second day of fasting) went pretty well, I stuck to drinking water only most of the day (except for coffee in the morning and a Vitamin Water 0 at lunch – no harm there) except I got asked out by a REALLY cool and awesome guy last night. Of course he had to take me out to dinner to a fancy restaurant, right?? Bleh. I ordered the yummiest vegetable burger in the world, and luckily he didn’t question why I only ate a quarter of it :P (*** This evil was purged later on of course)
Then we went to see the new facebook movie!! It was so good. I freakin loved it. And yay I didn’t get ANY movie snacks! I was kinda craving diet coke, but whatevs, I decided to stay faithful to water :-)
He got really close to me during the movie, and after it he took me for a super romantic car drive to a place where we could see the whole city in lights….woooow. Ad of course, Miana and Hot Guy made out for a couple hours or so. I looooooooooove how he kept complimenting my ribs! :P :P :P
Pretty sure just from that I burnt al the calories from the “dinner”, but nevertheless I exercised for two and a half hours when I came home and even purged a little :-)
Mk, enough soap opera!
To those super nice bloggers who asked on my last post, indeed those were pictures of me. Sorry that they were kinda cutoff and in black and white, but I’m really doing as much as I can to protect my identity here. Thanks so much for all the nice and supportive comments!!! I wish I felt the same way when I look in the mirror…I do love my ribs though. They’ve always stuck out like that, through…thick and thin ;-)
This morning (third day) when I weighed in I was 117.5 pounds!! Yay! I doubt it’s gonna stay that way though, since I was extremely dehydrated when I woke up and I had used the restroom O_o. But I feel good anyway.
As I mentioned in the last couple posts, I’m starting a 5-day lemon cleanse as part of my H4C fast. Users Zette and Lucidity said they’d like to start it with me, but at least one of them is probably gonna start on Tuesday. That’s fine!! Just let me know how it goes, beautifuls.

I’m just using a simple internet recipe:
- Two tablespoons of lemon juice (I make one of them lime juice just cause I like it better)
- Two tablespoons of REAL maple syrup --- that’s what the recipe says, but I’ll probably just use like one and a half, and I’m still deciding if I wanna use warm honey instead?)
- A dash or two of cayenne pepper, according to taste
- Dilute this all in as many ounces of water as you’d like.
I have the recipe in the English system instead of metric because I notice that that’s probably what the majority of my readers use :/
The recipe varies sometimes, but the ingredients are almost always the same and the scope of the cleanse is too.

Good luck to all my skinnies !!!!!
I love hearing about how your fasts and whatever other adventures go!!

PS: sorry for the long post…:P Hope it was somewhat interesting though!

Friday, October 1, 2010

:'( stomach...

I fail at fasting!

It was all going great until a couple hours ago, where somebody close to me decides he's gonna make the best tasting pizza ever...

I am so sorry I let all of my Hungry For Change companions down...

But, I did purge right after I gave in. And I mean REALLY PURGED.

A lot.

I think I purged everything out...I am taking laxatives tonight just in case!

I am going to continue to fast...and I learned my lesson! It is going to be a HARDCORE fast from now on.

Forgive me? Please?

I know I can do it...

So, here at the plans for next week:

- tomorrow (Oct. 2): water fasting!! Nothing but water!! Punishment...gotta love it.

- Sunday (Oct. 3): water and perhaps a tiny bit of vegetable soup (homemade...super-low sodium), just so I don't raise suspicions.

- Monday (Oct. 4): starting a 5-day LEMON CLEANSE. For real this time!!! I consider it to be part of the fast, since it'll only be liquids :) User Lucidity might do it with me as well :)

Anyone else wanna?

Love you all!!!!!


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

TO: lovelybones

Smile, hun.

BTW, guys, I am indeed followig your advice and not starting the lemon cleanse just yet...
Sorry to all of you who wanted to start it with me, I apologize for disappointing you.
My body is just not ready for it yet.
I only went to two classes today, and my friends kept commenting on how pale and grey I looked...thanks.
Plus, my body is already dropping pounds like crazy because of the sickness. Yuck. This should be a good thing....
Lol, TTYL, my skinnies, good luck with everything!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sooooo...I've been sick lately.

But I hate complaining.

A cold has been going around, plus I've been a bit weaker lately :P

Yesterday my body was screaming "hungryyy!!!" and I blamed it mostly on being sick. I did eat a lot, and I mean a lot for anyone. I purged afterwards. Man did that feel like crap.

But, I'm all better today :) I only ate:

- a teaspoon of flaxseeds with a drop of honey

- a diet pepsi

- half of a tiny, tiny cup of rice (I threw half away!)

- half of a small peach

The day's nowhere near over yet, but I feel confident. I'm going to exercise later.

Today I was still feeling kinda sick, so I "half-pretended" to still be ill so I could stay home from school as I did yesterday - I mostly lied to myself. I pretty much spent the whole day reading Ana blogs, thinking about how I probably should have been doing homework instead...

And among these blogs I found this post, which I commented on:

Tomorrow I am starting the "lemon cleanse" diet with user poisonivie.

I know, it's probably not good to start it now that I'm still recovering, but I think I'll be fine...I'll get lots of Vitamin C, lose the few pounds I just gained, plus I want to coincide with poisonivie.

Anyone else wanna?

You can find more details about the lemon cleanse just by Google searching it.

Love you all!


Friday, September 24, 2010

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

...I just thought I woul share these Green Day lyrics with you.
I watched a couple of my friends perform this song today, plus it was already one of my favorites, and they were so good!
I know a song means something when it stays stuck in my head for hours!!

So...I had a really good diet day a couple days ago as I said in my last post...but after that I went and screwed it all up. I'm not sure why...preobably because of hormonal change, plus I got really scared back in the mentioned-above day, when I felt fainting more or less throughout the whole day, and almost collapsed. I took it too far. Other than eating only 120 calories (which I am not used to), I also exercised hardcore for a couple hours. I need to take it more slowly.
But anyway, after that day I started bingeing on unhealthy things for a day and a half.
Yuck. Especially imported chocolate that my dear mum found....
I am so disappointed.
I need an Ana friend near me to slap me in the face every once in a while!!
I need to make Ana's voice herself be enough...

Positive side: I think I'm over that mini-phase now. I don't feel the binge need any longer, plus I looked at some thinspo and it realy changed my mindset. Also, all this running from place to place as well as "normal" portion eating really revved up my metabolism :D :D :D

I am ready for a fresh, easy, long-term start!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxo my skinnies!!

PS: If you guys find any new links to (SAFE) thinspo, please share! Love you!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Thank you sooooo much to all who supprted and have no idea how much you guys all mean to me!!

User Goal_Thin is so thoughtful...see her latest post:

She dedicated her thinspo to me :P so here's some in return:

Some of you were interested in knowing what I meant when I said that I have decidd my future career goals.
I want to study Biochemistry in my home country (sorry I can't declare it...just want to keep some privacy) but I am contemplating taking about a year off that way I can be on the same level as kids my age, including many old friends - because they have an extra year of school before they can go on. I don't like the thought of being ahead so much. Lol :P was going pretty great! No one forced me to eat, and no one noticed how I was eating virtually nothing! Yay!
I like to have some sort of breakfast, though, because I believe that jump starts my metabolism. This morning I had about 55 calories in healthy healthy yogurt, and of course loads and loads of coffee, my best friend (about 4 calories). Haha
then for "lunch" I had ONE grape (2 cals)..hahahah
Later I was getting severely lightheaded from running around all day long, so I had about 22 calories in yogurt...then I had half a slice of cheese (40 cals)for the same reason...I was kinda scared because I almost collapsed in a public place today, with all my friends within sight!! That was almost really bad........
Tota caloric intake: around 123. WIN.
But now I'm feeling fine, don't worry ;-) I had some tea and now I even feel like exercising a little bit!
Again, thanks to all the bloggers who left nice comments! I wish I could thank you all personally but I must go!

Mid-Week, oh Mid-Week

It's pretty early in the morning for me right now.

I have this habit of waking up at 4 am every day just so I can wake up and take my time doing everything and getting ready.

I wish I could say that I've been pretty good so far, but I only feel that way mentally because I've been punishing myself lately...

Basically, because of school contests, friends' pressure, et cetera, I was forced to eat some junk food, which I really hate, 'cause even when I ate "normally" (aka "like a fatty") I never really ate anything such as doughnuts, krapfens,...

So every day when I got home I did the toughest and longest exercise routine I've ever gotten used to doing! And I just kept fasting until the next day. For these two reasons, my abs an sides are really sore, and my organs are screaming for foods that consist of something other than coffee, water, some yogurt, and the occasional junk that my peers may as well force-feed me with.

So, all of this has been taking somewhat of a toll on my grades...oh well. It's okay with me, because I finally decided what I want to be in the future (career-wise), and I think I'll be fine!

I haven't really weighed myself lately...perhaps I'm too scared.

Speaking of which, you know the two ana-mia bracelets I had just made for myself? Lol, I lost them for like a day and a half... :P then my mum found them where I left them accidentally...near the scale!! Lol, fortunately she has no clue as to what they mean.

But she is getting sort of suspicious, especially because now I weigh less than her for the first time in a long while, and she's an inch schorter than I am (I'm 5'4"...the tallest girl in my family!).

I'm not too worried about her suspicions, especially because I don't get to see her much (we're both Uber-busy) and when I do, she's usually working on her laptop or doing crafts, and she likes the silence.

To me, it's a deafening silence...but it's also my safe zone with her.

So yah, I kinda need support right now...not as much as a couple weeks ago or so when I was on a binge tangent, but I'm still kind of gloomy :/

I love you all skinnies!!


Monday, September 20, 2010

My Faves...


- Bloggers:
Isla Lynn

Each Tear by Mary J Blige
Love the Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna
Disturbia by Rihanna
Breathe Gentle by Tiziano Ferro and Kelly Rowland
(these are all songs I can identify with, especially right now. What do you like?)

-Other Stuff:
Moral support
Thinking about long-distance friendships and relationships

..........What I DON'T like
is being forced to eat 200 or more calories of sweets and junk food for a stupid contest I somehow agreed to be in :/
that's ok, I worked my butt off by exercising!

I would really like to know how everyone's journey to perfection is going, feel free to comment!! I can't wait for new blog posts. Right now they seem to be the only thing holding me together and making me happy :) :)


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Bracelet 2

Here are both of them. I thought the red one was going to be far more complicated and pretty, bt in the end I just decided to leave it as is...I like it, anyways.
Ugh, what a stressful day. I felt kind of despressed about not losing any weight, so I decided to just surf a bunch of blogs like mine instead of doing the work I was supposed to, haha.
True ANAs shouldn't be procrastinators! Lol.
Man, I really wish I had more followers. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate for attention or anything, and I love the ones who are already following (especially Lovelybones and Goal_Thin ...they are so nice and supportive). It's just that I have this thing where I get severe anxiety in times of loneliness..and this has gotten worse since I moved to this desolate place.
Oh, well, enough random venting.
-ate 85 cals in yogurt with 40 cals granola and tons of coffee
-my mum made me eat lunch so I ate a small small bowl of soup she made and like 4 pieces of vegetable stir fry from yesterday
-right after that, I went to purge it all out in secret
-a couple hours ago, my parents took me to this random Church picnic (as if I even attend Church) where I sadly gave in to: like ten pieces of pasta from a salad; a small cub of flan; like, half of a Mexican apple fritter thingy
-I intensely searched for a bathroom in the park, I found this somewhat dirty, dark one, and tried extremely hard to purge again.
I hate purging. I really do.
But I am just so weak that I give in to crap like fatty food. Luckily, I hate binging more than purging.
I was only able to get about half the food I had just eaten out of my system...
Sorry for the TMI!
Love you, skinnies.

Bracelet 1

Here's a picture of a bracelet I made for myself today.
I now it's really simple, just 'cause I'm not great at crafts :/
I really like it though. It kept me distracted from food and I am proud of it.
I'm making a red one, but t's a little more complicated than this one so I haven't finished it yet. I will probably do that in class tomorrow since I have a great attention span, right?? Lol.
So what do you think about it? Do you like it even remotely?
I know I'm talking as if I have a bunch of followers, even though I know that's not true, I have, like, 3. But I have a strange feeling that there might be a lot more of you out there who hide the fact that they follow this kind of blog, and that's fine too :) Even more than that, there's probably lots of you that don' follow at all and are just passing by my page. That's okay, I really appreciate all (nonoffensive) comments!
Good luck to all! Sorry for the tangent!

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I really tried to keep myself from posting twice today, but I really felt like I needed to.

How the day went:
By 4 pm, I had eaten about 350 calories worth of mostly-liquid food.
Then, I went to the gym, but after only 25 minutes, my mum came to tell me we were going to someone's house for her birthday. Great. Only burnt 215 calories.
Win: at this person's house the had fatty fatty chocolate cake and fatty fatty ice cream - I didn't touch either! I felt so good afterward. Fail: my mum was hungry for real food, so we all went to eat Chinese. Yuck. I didn't want them to be suspicious, so I ordered four spring rolls...I ate three and brought one home. I kinda picked at my mum's vegetable stir-fry :(
So, when I got home, I purged it all out........well most of it anyways.

Now I'm munching on some flax seeds mixed with granola, just 'cause I know it'll keep me full and settle my stomach.

I feel like crap but I also feel like it could've been a lot worse!
Plus, I'm gonna do some aerobics before bed...

Hey I just read an article of awesomeness:

Good luck to all.

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me, or is everyone on tv, the internet, and movies getting skinnier?

I went to see a couple movies with friends yesterday, and I noticed that even if they are very good plot-wise, or even amazing, they are still getting more and more superficial...the ladies are all skinnier and have more fake curves uptop if you know what I mean! And whenever there's a woman in a movie there HAS to be a love story.

Other than that, all the celebs (i.e., Lady Gaga - my fave) are dropping more and more pounds!!

I personally think it's all great, but I can see how the rest of the world might have a problem with that.

Lol why do I care.

I am going tot the gym in a few hours...and I want to push myself more than ever! No more 200, maybe 300 calories burnt...I need to figure out a way to keep going...but at the same time not make my mum suspicious.

Life is hard.

But it's all worth it.


Friday, September 17, 2010

Oh. Well.

Mk, I got nervous, stressed and frustrated because of I am so glad it's the weekend!
I know I totally gain stress weight... which is why now I am at 120.5 (more or less)! Bleh.
But I'n not freaking out.
I have a little glimpse of hope that tells me some of it may be muscle weight (weighs more than fat) since I've been working out more due to me signing up for more dance classes? :)

Of course, this means I will be around a bunch of skinnies...which will give me a crappy feeling that will hopefully turn into something good :D

As I am writing this, I can see all the bones in my hand move while I type. I feel good...
How are you feeling?


Ugh...I feel...

I feel..
confused, disgusted, hopeful, punishing, hurt...
story of my life!

After Tuesday and half of Wednesday spent bingeing, I sat down in front of my mirror and made my priorities clear to myself.
I looked up some thinspo, I read some quotes, made myslf a new bracelet and now I feel...a little better.

I ate very little the rest of Wednesday and all of Thursday (yesterday) and now I dropped to 119.5. No celebration allowed. LOL. I'm gonna die a little inside if my weight is gonna spike up again tomorrow.
Just a couple hours ago my mind went blank and I totally binged on some sweet granola..ick...sugar, saturated fats...
So.......I purged it all out.
And I realized physical pain means nothing.

Xoxo beauties.

For some strange reason, my mum told me that I had lost "enough" weight.
I couldn't help but sincerely believe that she was feeling jealous and/or intimidated because she's weighed more than me all my life, and recently she dropped to like 10 pounds less than me, and now I weigh less than her again! She noticed that I did lose like 15 pounds...
All of this fuels my passion, dears.

Tell me what you think

Saturday, September 11, 2010

New Awesome Diet!!!

While browsing around in the most popular blogs, I found this awesome new challenge:

User Isobel created it.
Join me for a 48-hour extended-liquid diet starting tonight...go to the link for all the details :)


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Lady G!

New fave quote by Lady Gaga:

It's all about starvation! Popstars don't eat.

How scandalicious.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Carry On My Wayward Son...

I heard this song again on the radio made me feel inspired.

I can't wait for my blog to gain a little popularity, ...and gain no weight at all!

I'm sorry if I sounded kinda bitchy in my last post..I really didn't mean to.
Whatever you have, may it be anorexia, bulimia, manorexia,...etc...i'm here for support and i'm kind of looking for some back...desperately.

Just so you know I'm for realsies, here are some stats:
HW: 136
CW: 123
GW: 105...for now

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Don't surrender

Do not surrender.
Just don't.

There are more important things in life than what you want at the moment.

I made that mistake when I decided staying at a size 2-3 wasn't important.
I'm not gonna lie, I've gone more than 2 sizes up because I didn't do what's right.

This blog is not for Anawannabees.
But I will support.


My Thinspo Video

Who's Pretty Awesome Right This Moment: