Wednesday, September 29, 2010

TO: lovelybones

Smile, hun.

BTW, guys, I am indeed followig your advice and not starting the lemon cleanse just yet...
Sorry to all of you who wanted to start it with me, I apologize for disappointing you.
My body is just not ready for it yet.
I only went to two classes today, and my friends kept commenting on how pale and grey I looked...thanks.
Plus, my body is already dropping pounds like crazy because of the sickness. Yuck. This should be a good thing....
Lol, TTYL, my skinnies, good luck with everything!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sooooo...I've been sick lately.

But I hate complaining.

A cold has been going around, plus I've been a bit weaker lately :P

Yesterday my body was screaming "hungryyy!!!" and I blamed it mostly on being sick. I did eat a lot, and I mean a lot for anyone. I purged afterwards. Man did that feel like crap.

But, I'm all better today :) I only ate:

- a teaspoon of flaxseeds with a drop of honey

- a diet pepsi

- half of a tiny, tiny cup of rice (I threw half away!)

- half of a small peach

The day's nowhere near over yet, but I feel confident. I'm going to exercise later.

Today I was still feeling kinda sick, so I "half-pretended" to still be ill so I could stay home from school as I did yesterday - I mostly lied to myself. I pretty much spent the whole day reading Ana blogs, thinking about how I probably should have been doing homework instead...

And among these blogs I found this post, which I commented on:

Tomorrow I am starting the "lemon cleanse" diet with user poisonivie.

I know, it's probably not good to start it now that I'm still recovering, but I think I'll be fine...I'll get lots of Vitamin C, lose the few pounds I just gained, plus I want to coincide with poisonivie.

Anyone else wanna?

You can find more details about the lemon cleanse just by Google searching it.

Love you all!


Friday, September 24, 2010

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

...I just thought I woul share these Green Day lyrics with you.
I watched a couple of my friends perform this song today, plus it was already one of my favorites, and they were so good!
I know a song means something when it stays stuck in my head for hours!!

So...I had a really good diet day a couple days ago as I said in my last post...but after that I went and screwed it all up. I'm not sure why...preobably because of hormonal change, plus I got really scared back in the mentioned-above day, when I felt fainting more or less throughout the whole day, and almost collapsed. I took it too far. Other than eating only 120 calories (which I am not used to), I also exercised hardcore for a couple hours. I need to take it more slowly.
But anyway, after that day I started bingeing on unhealthy things for a day and a half.
Yuck. Especially imported chocolate that my dear mum found....
I am so disappointed.
I need an Ana friend near me to slap me in the face every once in a while!!
I need to make Ana's voice herself be enough...

Positive side: I think I'm over that mini-phase now. I don't feel the binge need any longer, plus I looked at some thinspo and it realy changed my mindset. Also, all this running from place to place as well as "normal" portion eating really revved up my metabolism :D :D :D

I am ready for a fresh, easy, long-term start!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxo my skinnies!!

PS: If you guys find any new links to (SAFE) thinspo, please share! Love you!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Thank you sooooo much to all who supprted and have no idea how much you guys all mean to me!!

User Goal_Thin is so thoughtful...see her latest post:

She dedicated her thinspo to me :P so here's some in return:

Some of you were interested in knowing what I meant when I said that I have decidd my future career goals.
I want to study Biochemistry in my home country (sorry I can't declare it...just want to keep some privacy) but I am contemplating taking about a year off that way I can be on the same level as kids my age, including many old friends - because they have an extra year of school before they can go on. I don't like the thought of being ahead so much. Lol :P was going pretty great! No one forced me to eat, and no one noticed how I was eating virtually nothing! Yay!
I like to have some sort of breakfast, though, because I believe that jump starts my metabolism. This morning I had about 55 calories in healthy healthy yogurt, and of course loads and loads of coffee, my best friend (about 4 calories). Haha
then for "lunch" I had ONE grape (2 cals)..hahahah
Later I was getting severely lightheaded from running around all day long, so I had about 22 calories in yogurt...then I had half a slice of cheese (40 cals)for the same reason...I was kinda scared because I almost collapsed in a public place today, with all my friends within sight!! That was almost really bad........
Tota caloric intake: around 123. WIN.
But now I'm feeling fine, don't worry ;-) I had some tea and now I even feel like exercising a little bit!
Again, thanks to all the bloggers who left nice comments! I wish I could thank you all personally but I must go!

Mid-Week, oh Mid-Week

It's pretty early in the morning for me right now.

I have this habit of waking up at 4 am every day just so I can wake up and take my time doing everything and getting ready.

I wish I could say that I've been pretty good so far, but I only feel that way mentally because I've been punishing myself lately...

Basically, because of school contests, friends' pressure, et cetera, I was forced to eat some junk food, which I really hate, 'cause even when I ate "normally" (aka "like a fatty") I never really ate anything such as doughnuts, krapfens,...

So every day when I got home I did the toughest and longest exercise routine I've ever gotten used to doing! And I just kept fasting until the next day. For these two reasons, my abs an sides are really sore, and my organs are screaming for foods that consist of something other than coffee, water, some yogurt, and the occasional junk that my peers may as well force-feed me with.

So, all of this has been taking somewhat of a toll on my grades...oh well. It's okay with me, because I finally decided what I want to be in the future (career-wise), and I think I'll be fine!

I haven't really weighed myself lately...perhaps I'm too scared.

Speaking of which, you know the two ana-mia bracelets I had just made for myself? Lol, I lost them for like a day and a half... :P then my mum found them where I left them accidentally...near the scale!! Lol, fortunately she has no clue as to what they mean.

But she is getting sort of suspicious, especially because now I weigh less than her for the first time in a long while, and she's an inch schorter than I am (I'm 5'4"...the tallest girl in my family!).

I'm not too worried about her suspicions, especially because I don't get to see her much (we're both Uber-busy) and when I do, she's usually working on her laptop or doing crafts, and she likes the silence.

To me, it's a deafening silence...but it's also my safe zone with her.

So yah, I kinda need support right now...not as much as a couple weeks ago or so when I was on a binge tangent, but I'm still kind of gloomy :/

I love you all skinnies!!


Monday, September 20, 2010

My Faves...


- Bloggers:
Isla Lynn

Each Tear by Mary J Blige
Love the Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna
Disturbia by Rihanna
Breathe Gentle by Tiziano Ferro and Kelly Rowland
(these are all songs I can identify with, especially right now. What do you like?)

-Other Stuff:
Moral support
Thinking about long-distance friendships and relationships

..........What I DON'T like
is being forced to eat 200 or more calories of sweets and junk food for a stupid contest I somehow agreed to be in :/
that's ok, I worked my butt off by exercising!

I would really like to know how everyone's journey to perfection is going, feel free to comment!! I can't wait for new blog posts. Right now they seem to be the only thing holding me together and making me happy :) :)


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Bracelet 2

Here are both of them. I thought the red one was going to be far more complicated and pretty, bt in the end I just decided to leave it as is...I like it, anyways.
Ugh, what a stressful day. I felt kind of despressed about not losing any weight, so I decided to just surf a bunch of blogs like mine instead of doing the work I was supposed to, haha.
True ANAs shouldn't be procrastinators! Lol.
Man, I really wish I had more followers. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate for attention or anything, and I love the ones who are already following (especially Lovelybones and Goal_Thin ...they are so nice and supportive). It's just that I have this thing where I get severe anxiety in times of loneliness..and this has gotten worse since I moved to this desolate place.
Oh, well, enough random venting.
-ate 85 cals in yogurt with 40 cals granola and tons of coffee
-my mum made me eat lunch so I ate a small small bowl of soup she made and like 4 pieces of vegetable stir fry from yesterday
-right after that, I went to purge it all out in secret
-a couple hours ago, my parents took me to this random Church picnic (as if I even attend Church) where I sadly gave in to: like ten pieces of pasta from a salad; a small cub of flan; like, half of a Mexican apple fritter thingy
-I intensely searched for a bathroom in the park, I found this somewhat dirty, dark one, and tried extremely hard to purge again.
I hate purging. I really do.
But I am just so weak that I give in to crap like fatty food. Luckily, I hate binging more than purging.
I was only able to get about half the food I had just eaten out of my system...
Sorry for the TMI!
Love you, skinnies.

Bracelet 1

Here's a picture of a bracelet I made for myself today.
I now it's really simple, just 'cause I'm not great at crafts :/
I really like it though. It kept me distracted from food and I am proud of it.
I'm making a red one, but t's a little more complicated than this one so I haven't finished it yet. I will probably do that in class tomorrow since I have a great attention span, right?? Lol.
So what do you think about it? Do you like it even remotely?
I know I'm talking as if I have a bunch of followers, even though I know that's not true, I have, like, 3. But I have a strange feeling that there might be a lot more of you out there who hide the fact that they follow this kind of blog, and that's fine too :) Even more than that, there's probably lots of you that don' follow at all and are just passing by my page. That's okay, I really appreciate all (nonoffensive) comments!
Good luck to all! Sorry for the tangent!

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I really tried to keep myself from posting twice today, but I really felt like I needed to.

How the day went:
By 4 pm, I had eaten about 350 calories worth of mostly-liquid food.
Then, I went to the gym, but after only 25 minutes, my mum came to tell me we were going to someone's house for her birthday. Great. Only burnt 215 calories.
Win: at this person's house the had fatty fatty chocolate cake and fatty fatty ice cream - I didn't touch either! I felt so good afterward. Fail: my mum was hungry for real food, so we all went to eat Chinese. Yuck. I didn't want them to be suspicious, so I ordered four spring rolls...I ate three and brought one home. I kinda picked at my mum's vegetable stir-fry :(
So, when I got home, I purged it all out........well most of it anyways.

Now I'm munching on some flax seeds mixed with granola, just 'cause I know it'll keep me full and settle my stomach.

I feel like crap but I also feel like it could've been a lot worse!
Plus, I'm gonna do some aerobics before bed...

Hey I just read an article of awesomeness:

Good luck to all.

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me, or is everyone on tv, the internet, and movies getting skinnier?

I went to see a couple movies with friends yesterday, and I noticed that even if they are very good plot-wise, or even amazing, they are still getting more and more superficial...the ladies are all skinnier and have more fake curves uptop if you know what I mean! And whenever there's a woman in a movie there HAS to be a love story.

Other than that, all the celebs (i.e., Lady Gaga - my fave) are dropping more and more pounds!!

I personally think it's all great, but I can see how the rest of the world might have a problem with that.

Lol why do I care.

I am going tot the gym in a few hours...and I want to push myself more than ever! No more 200, maybe 300 calories burnt...I need to figure out a way to keep going...but at the same time not make my mum suspicious.

Life is hard.

But it's all worth it.


Friday, September 17, 2010

Oh. Well.

Mk, I got nervous, stressed and frustrated because of I am so glad it's the weekend!
I know I totally gain stress weight... which is why now I am at 120.5 (more or less)! Bleh.
But I'n not freaking out.
I have a little glimpse of hope that tells me some of it may be muscle weight (weighs more than fat) since I've been working out more due to me signing up for more dance classes? :)

Of course, this means I will be around a bunch of skinnies...which will give me a crappy feeling that will hopefully turn into something good :D

As I am writing this, I can see all the bones in my hand move while I type. I feel good...
How are you feeling?


Ugh...I feel...

I feel..
confused, disgusted, hopeful, punishing, hurt...
story of my life!

After Tuesday and half of Wednesday spent bingeing, I sat down in front of my mirror and made my priorities clear to myself.
I looked up some thinspo, I read some quotes, made myslf a new bracelet and now I feel...a little better.

I ate very little the rest of Wednesday and all of Thursday (yesterday) and now I dropped to 119.5. No celebration allowed. LOL. I'm gonna die a little inside if my weight is gonna spike up again tomorrow.
Just a couple hours ago my mind went blank and I totally binged on some sweet granola..ick...sugar, saturated fats...
So.......I purged it all out.
And I realized physical pain means nothing.

Xoxo beauties.

For some strange reason, my mum told me that I had lost "enough" weight.
I couldn't help but sincerely believe that she was feeling jealous and/or intimidated because she's weighed more than me all my life, and recently she dropped to like 10 pounds less than me, and now I weigh less than her again! She noticed that I did lose like 15 pounds...
All of this fuels my passion, dears.

Tell me what you think

Saturday, September 11, 2010

New Awesome Diet!!!

While browsing around in the most popular blogs, I found this awesome new challenge:

User Isobel created it.
Join me for a 48-hour extended-liquid diet starting tonight...go to the link for all the details :)


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Lady G!

New fave quote by Lady Gaga:

It's all about starvation! Popstars don't eat.

How scandalicious.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Carry On My Wayward Son...

I heard this song again on the radio made me feel inspired.

I can't wait for my blog to gain a little popularity, ...and gain no weight at all!

I'm sorry if I sounded kinda bitchy in my last post..I really didn't mean to.
Whatever you have, may it be anorexia, bulimia, manorexia,...etc...i'm here for support and i'm kind of looking for some back...desperately.

Just so you know I'm for realsies, here are some stats:
HW: 136
CW: 123
GW: 105...for now

My Thinspo Video

Who's Pretty Awesome Right This Moment: