Sunday, December 19, 2010

Careful. THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING.

So, I decided it was time already for me to post it as well.
Here it is. Ana's Creed.


I believe in control, the only force mighty enough to bring order in the chaos that is my world. 

I believe that I am the most vile, worthless an useless person ever have to existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.

I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds, as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behaviour.

I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.

I believe in salvation trough starvation.

I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of God, and memorize then accordingly.

I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.

I believe in hell, 'cause sometimes I think I live in it.

I believe in a wholly black an white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the alonegation of the body and a life ever fasting. 

Today, I recited this. A laptop in my left hand, a knife in the other.
Just like some devil-worshiper that the people here fear worse than the devil itself.
But don't worry.
I didn't hurt myself.     Too much.
...I need help.



2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are hurting:( Please know you are not alone

    ReplyDelete
  2. you grab a knife and i grab a 250 degree curling iron to put to my wrist. i feel your pain. and i live by this creed. i completely understand. together... we can do this.

    ReplyDelete

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